Today we celebrated Logan's 4th birthday. It is Wednesday so our celebration was small (Joel, Lauren, myself, and Logan's nurse Cyndy). Lauren bought Logan a big writing tablet that he can play with. He does well with arts and crafts with our help and Lauren really enjoys showing him how to do it.
We gave Logan his big birthday present last Saturday. I found a bean bag chair (actually made from foam) online. It came in a pretty small box but by the time it was opened it ended up being the size of a small love seat! So far we have found it useful though. It was made so that a person can sit up in it. My hope was to find something more like a chair so he could feel more included in family activities in the house. Right now we have a very plush mattress like area in the living room but it does not allow him to sit up. The other advantage of his new chair is that we can sit with him. Lauren, Logan and I all fit together which works great for reading books. Honestly Logan is impossible to shop for. Traditional toys don't work but with a little creativity we have seemed to find things that work.
All evening Logan played possum. Whenever we tried to do something he fell asleep. I have a feeling he was pretty tuckered out from school today. He has been out of school for a handful of days while he was fighting a cold bug. We did finally get him to stay awake long enough to let us sing happy birthday. Lauren picked out cupcakes and we put candles in one and she helped him blow them out.
We spent the last part of the evening talking to family via FaceTime. It is always so fun to be able to share these moments over a video feed! And to end the night, I sat in his new chair and cuddled with him. He was out cold but I still reminisced about the day he was born...
It was a sunny day and not too cool. We went to the hospital on Sunday afternoon to be induced. We arrived around one in the afternoon. By the time we were checked in it was after 2:00pm before the pitocin (medication used to induce labor) had been started. I remember hanging out in the room thinking how hungry I was and wondering why I hadn't eaten more that morning.
We were only a few days overdue but our OB was working that weekend so we decided to help things along knowing we had her there. She was also there to deliver Lauren (not a planned delivery date). During both pregnancies I only saw Dr. P or the nurse practitioner. I was too weirded out by having a handful of other doctors involved and potentially being part of intimate parts of my prenatal care. Yes, silly I know but I needed that trust and stability.
Anyways back to the story. I continued telling Logan about the day he was born and don't forget he was snoozing. I didn't care! We went through the afternoon and early evening with the induction. My OB broke my water around 5pm as things were progressing well. I remember her leaving and the contractions coming like a tsunami. It was overwhelming to say the least. The nurse queued into this and called the anesesthesiologist to see about an epidural. Nope, not possible, they wanted me to have more IV fluids. I remember seeing her next to the bed squeezing the bag trying to get fluids in faster. At that moment I was gripping the side rail so hard I probably left permanent finger prints.
Looking back it was pretty dramatic! I lost all control and quickly had an overwhelming sense to push. Next thing I knew, the room was transformed, nurses were running around and were trying to find the OB. I remember rolling to my back and seeing about three nurses at my feet and I was pushing. No doctor yet! There was no stopping it. Logan was coming and that was the way it was going to be. I even remember the anesthesiologist walking in shortly before Logan was born to see about an epidural. He is lucky I was too busy at the moment or I may have rung his neck.
Next thing I knew, Dr. P was there and ten minutes later so was Logan! It is amazing how much faster you get a baby out when you feel every bit of it! Logan didn't cry when he came out and I freaked out. At some point he did cry and it was a huge relief. His agar scores were fine but I was so worried that he didn't cry. Looking back I wonder if that was the first moment I recognized something was different with Logan. His nose was smushed! I remember Joel telling me that! It made us all laugh. Joel is so good at bringing humor to a stressful situation.
I remember his first bath and sitting with him alone in the room that night. I held him to my chest. He was so tiny but had incredibly long fingers and toes. I will never forget him up against my chest in that moment and him pushing his feet off of my thigh and holding his head off my shoulder. The nurse even mentioned how strong he was.
Well over the last four years we have seen that physical strength deteriorate. It is heart breaking to think back on the way he once was but it helps remind me why he is still here with us today. His determination is not just physical but also mental. He is stubborn and has always found ways to make sure he is heard. Whether it is him smacking someone in the face or pulling a full on panic attack, Logan gets his point across. He is so very amazing. I can't say enough how proud we are of him. He overcomes so much every day.
Logan, happy birthday! You are my angel on earth. I am so lucky to be your mom and to have been able to spend another fabulous year with you. I can't wait to see where this one takes us!