He's Three!

Today was the official day, Logan's third birthday! Three years ago at 6pm on a Friday, Logan came into this world. He did not cry on arrival and his nose was smushed! He had a head of light brown hair and dark eyes. When I held him for the first time, I remember those dark brown eyes staring at me. 

He was born two days after his due date. Our OB was working that weekend so she offered to induce me that Friday. I had a smooth pregnancy and was ready to have him. We arrived after lunch and the medications were started after 1:00pm. By 5:00pm, the doctor decided it was time to break my water. Minutes after, the contractions were fast and furious. I requested an epidural with the help of my mother! Unfortunately it would not be in time. Before I knew it, I was having an extreme urge to push and I knew there was no stopping the train. I remember looking at the nurse saying I had to push. She must have gotten my drift. Instead of encouraging me to breathe through it and resist pushing she called the team in and prepped the room. Next thing I knew, the doctor arrived and ten minutes later our angel came into the world.

I will never forget the pain I endured during those moments but it was one of the most productive times in my life. I felt so proud to have brought this handsome baby boy into the world. Joel and I were over the moon. 

The journey since that joyous day has had its ups and downs. Through it all, my handsome, porcelain skin, brown eyed, cuddle bug perseveres. He has taught me how to be a better mother and a more patient and forgiving human being. He has taught me true unconditional love. 

His second year of life had a rocky start with the first portion spent in the hospital. Since that time he has remained home. He is in preschool and has friends. He is finding his voice again with assistive technology. He loves watching the iPad and reading books with his sister. He and dad watch sports together. As for Logan and I, we cuddle, we talk, and he blows me kisses. 

Logan, I know our future is full of unknowns. You live with an undiagnosed condition that affects everything you do. But despite it all, you wake up every day calm and ready to take on the world. I am so proud to be your mom. 

Happy Birthday Bubba! We love you! 

Here are a few past photos of each year in October. Wow he has grown!

Logan's 2nd Birthday

October 2011

 

Newborn Photo, October 2010

Logan's 3rd Birthday Party

We celebrated Logan's third birthday at the pumpkin patch. His real birthday is the 22nd. The weather started cloudy, windy, with some sprinkles. As the afternoon went on, the sun came out just for Logan! It was a great day! We took a hay ride and Logan slept through half of it! We visited the animals and Logan held a bunny. He had a taste of cupcake frosting. And with the help of his sister and cousins, opened many wonderful presents. We picked out a few pumpkins and had a few photo ops. All in all, an awesome day. Thanks to all of our family and friends who came out to celebrate. We are so lucky to have each and every one of you. Go Logan Go! 

Night Shift

Tonight I have the pleasure to watch over Logan. Every night we are blessed to have a nurse care for him so that he can receive the care and monitoring he needs and so we can rest. Logan is a pretty busy kiddo in the wee hours of the morning. He does a great job getting to sleep but it does not last the whole night through. He generally wakes up in the middle of the night, thrashes about and then passes out again. He procedes to do this multiple times until morning. Every night varies. Some better than others. He requires frequent suctioning, vital signs monitoring, medications, and water flushes. 

I have my alarm set for three different times tonight to make sure I give meds, change and check equipment, and flush his feeding tube. I have a baby monitor next to my ear as I get ready to sleep on the couch outside his room. I explain all of these tasks so those who may not know can understand Logan's needs. I wish I could provide the care he needs at night without the help of nurses but it is impossible. I wish I could be the one to console and cuddle him when he is upset at night. 

Thankfully we have amazing nurses to help us. Without them, our family would be in disarray and live in zombie mode! Tonight, it's my turn to be his caregiver. I wonder what he will think when I show my face in the dark of the night! He apmay be scared at first seeing my wild hairdo! 

I have also pulled open my blog as I feel I need to put some feelings down on fake paper, aka the internet. I am a member of Facebook and I follow multiple pages and blogs mostly of parents and their children with special needs. I do this for many reasons and feel an odd connection to so many of these families. Tonight I learned of yet another kiddo that has gone to heaven. I am so deeply saddened. I have followed his journey the past few months and now sit here on the verge of tears. My heart aches for his family. 

I sit and reflect once again on my life and that of my son. The future cannot be predicted. We will all leave this earth someday, this I know. But why can't we all live a charmed life before our time comes. Why do some have to suffer while others carry on in happiness. I can say it is to teach us all, or that it is gods plan. But right now that doesn't help. I don't want to lose my son to his illness and I don't want another child to either, but this is extremely wishful thinking. 

So as I reflect on my feelings and pray for this little boys family I will watch over my son and give him all the love I have. Life is so short so I will continue to commit to being present in the moment and living the best life I can. 

Good night and god bless,

Rachel