I have to admit, there were many days that I worried my son would not live to see this day. I am so blessed that he proved me wrong! Today he turned two!
Today he became a toddler. No longer a baby, but he will always be my baby boy. My little Bubba!
Today I was slapped in the face with a lot of mixed emotions that I had no idea were brewing.
This day has brought great joy but also a deep sadness. As a parent, I find myself comparing my child to others his age. I think back to our daughter at this age remembering her firsts as a two year old. Logan does not fit that mold. He is on a path all his own but I can't help but compare.
I can't help thinking, what would he be doing or saying right now had he not had his delays. I hate that I do this but I know I am not alone and I know this is normal to feel. So I grieve. It does pass or just somehow hides. I know this will not be the last time I will feel this way. I can say right now, I am not angry. I am just sad.
This too will pass, but right now I am going to allow myself to feel this way. Attempting to shut off the feelings does me no good. Often times I have people ask "how do you do it? How can you still smile and keep your spirits up?" Guess what, I fake it until I make it!!! I smile through it knowing it will get better. I made a decision some time ago that this was not going to get the best of me. I will continue to have waves and sometimes typhoons of emotions but it will pass. The battles may not be easy but I will pick them wisely and hopefully I will learn something along the way.
I share this post at the same time as my post of Logan's photos of his birthday. I want to show that he is a thriving, handsome two year old boy with challenges of his own and that being a parent of such a special boy is not always easy. I do not write this post to bring down the celebration but I want to make sure to shed light on the difficulties that I face as a parent. These are different than most but all parents share in the path of raising kids and this path is full of many ups and downs. Birthdays are a time to celebrate, be thankful, and acknowledge the journey of life.
To my family, friends, and colleagues...please continue to share stories of your lives and your children. I want to remain connected and not isolated and I want to share in your joys and sorrows. I am never too busy to listen!
On a positive note, in case you forgot...Logan is now 2! My miracle son, who brings joy to my life everyday, is an angel on earth. He is a pure piece of heaven!
Stay tuned for some more updates on the medical side of our journey. Logan has a couple important appointments this week.
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