It wouldn't be a problem except that Logan isn't your usual kiddo. He needs tending to every 1-3 hours at night. When we don't have a nurse, one of us sleeps on the couch with a baby monitor and alarm clock and does all his cares. Sometimes we split the night. It just depends on who has the toughest day ahead.
We are living sleep deprived and stressed out. We have no idea when our shifts will be filled by the company. Private duty nursing is not as well sought after as a job than most other areas of nursing which really sucks for families like us.
On nights when we have no nurse, our daughter Lauren's bedtime routine is tough. She doesn't understand why Logan gets so much attention. This wouldn't be such an issue if Joel or I was a stay at home parent but unfortunately we don't have that luxury.
I just needed a moment to get out these frustrations. It sucks and it isn't fair. I wish I could provide for Logan's every need but I can't. I have to rely on others and when that relief valve isn't there, I feel like a pressure cooker ready to explode. I'm sick of worrying if we have a nurse coming on for the next shift. I'm sick of Joel and I bickering over the situation. I'm to the point where I tell him I can't talk about it otherwise I may completely lose it on him!
Ugh. This really really sucks and it feels like there is no end in sight. I don't ever want this to cause us to start resenting Logan or seeing him as a burden because he is not and will never be that but when stress is in play, it's hard to filter emotions! I pray for a solution soon and if that solution is not more help, I pray we can find a way to make this work for our entire family unit at least in the short term.
Well said. Prayers from another awake and exausted mom.
ReplyDeleteIt's ok to vent. You have to let off steam somewhere. I pray things get better and you find a reliable night nurse.
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