This is a common question as of late. Hmm, how is he? Some days I wish I knew! Lately his days have been sleepy with periods of wakefulness that are often fussy. He sleeps so much it blows my mind and at times makes me jealous. When he sleeps he is so peaceful. To watch him sleep is like meditation. His body is so still with rhythmic breathing and a face that looks deep into rest. His skin is warm, soft, and so very kissable!
There are days when we only see him open his eyes for a few moments as if he is checking in on us and then saying "ok they are still here". And then other moments of utter discomfort. Seizures are still an issue and they have become longer and more upsetting. Thankfully the frequency hasn't seemed to change just the length. Logan now has morphine as an option for comfort and it has been a true blessing when he needs it. Just something to take off the edge so he can close his heavy eyelids and drift into sleep!
As for the rest of us, well we are all over the place! Lauren is playing hockey and Joel is the assistant coach for her team. The weekends are pretty busy these days! We actually have to plan around a schedule on the weekends! Lauren has had a few moments of deep questions related to Logan but they are often at bedtime and are short lived. We are taking her lead and when she is ready we talk about Logan. Her most recent question was what is going to happen to the nurses when Logan goes to heaven?
As for Joel and I, we are just going day to day. We still have challenges almost weekly and sometimes a few times a week without nursing help. It is mostly in night shift which really challenges us. We are trying to maintain our jobs as income is important. We have great support from our jobs but there is worry that if we take too much time off now, we won't have it for when we really need it. Our nurses are truly amazing, we just need more of them!
As for when we really need to take time to be home, that is a whole different bucket of worms. We have no idea what to expect next. We live day to day planning on our normal routine until someone tells us otherwise! We do have moments when in our hearts we know there is a change for Logan but beyond that it is hard to process what the change means. This is where hospice is so valuable. They will help guide us through this journey and will steer is in the right direction if we are off course.
So here we are in this place of uncertainty. What we do know is that Logan is getting everything he needs. He has a team that will do almost anything for him. As for the rest of the family, we will continue to work through our worries, frustrations, and fears knowing that some day Logan will be in a place of comfort and peace. Please share in prayer with us as we continue this journey with our dear Logan and Lauren. They are truly amazing children that blow us away every day. Joel and I hit the jackpot with these two!
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