T-minus 10 days

In ten days my son will be laying on yet another operating room table. Joel and I will be sitting anxiously in the OR lobby. Why, you ask. To remove some of his salivary glands. We are electing to have the procedure in hopes that we can improve Logan's quality of life. After the surgery he will be whisked away for an MRI of his brain and then admitted to the hospital for a few days.

Because Logan is such a mover and shaker, he has to be sedated for MRI's. We chose to lump the fun together in one day. Why not! A little more anxiety couldn't hurt, right? 

This MRI is a repeat. Logan has had two unremarkable MRI's in the past. Joel and I have decided to diagnose our son with Logan syndrome. Unfortunately that means nothing when it comes to a legitimate diagnosis so his team continues on looking for answers to explain our exceptional son. His brain may still hold the key to what we are searching for, but we have been fooled many times in the past.

Once the roller coaster of surgery and imaging is complete, Logan will spend a few days in the hospital. He will need pain control, prophylactic antibiotics, and TLC. We hope to be home over the weekend. 

I wish these events were not the highlights in Logan's life. I wish explanations of my child's disability didn't have to include a synopsis of his medical chart. I want to be able to talk about his accomplishments, his funny moments, his likes and dislikes, and so on. As of recent I just feel all I can talk about is his disability. These last few months have been great, Logan has remained healthy. Beyond that I only can report slow, snails pace development of my child. He has not regained the head control he once had. He no longer rolls over, but does flip onto his side. If we did nothing to engage him, he would lay in the same area of his blanket as he no longer scoots around on his back like he used to. 

He receives therapy but I feel it mostly does things to prevent complications from his disability such as muscle contractures, hip dysplasia, and pressure sores. This sucks. I tend to torture myself by looking back at old videos and photos to see the things he once did. 

Yes, Debbie downer has now arrived! I don't like sharing these thoughts and concerns as it makes me feel like I am giving up on my child. I am not! But addressing these negative thoughts helps me understand all aspects of being a special needs parent. It also forces me to examine the positives as I am a pros and cons type of person.

So now for the upbeat news, Logan is still the most handsome and loving kiddo ever! His ability to snuggle his head between me cheek and neck while tucking his little hands up to my chest, melts my heart every day. Logan may not talk, but his ability to communicate through touch is like nothing I have ever experienced. Logan sitting in my lap, snuggling is one of the best parts of my day. So away with Debbie downer. This chick has little time for you!

On to our next endeavor in t-minus ten days!