I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving. Oh how thankful I am this year. I just read my post from last year and it was bitter sweet. Last year Logan was in the hospital just two days out from having a tracheostomy placed. This year we were all home and Joel whipped up a fine feast! I say it over and over again but I still can't say it enough, Logan has had a great year!
Today also had some tough moments. I am always torn on these days. I feel as though Logan must be included in the festivities but at the same time he can't be part of everything. For one thing, he can't eat. Having a chef for a dad and being in a home where the smell of food is always around has to be torture. So when we eat, Logan just hangs out. And when the kids are running around and the adults are sitting chatting, he still lays around. Of course we give him toys to play with, we hold him, put him in his chair. But despite doing what seems right, it still doesn't feel good.
I don't feel as though I do enough to include him and when I do it goes south. He gets anxious and uncomfortable around too many people and too much noise. But at the same time seems to enjoy taking in all the commotion. I wish I knew how he felt on these days. I think my feelings boil down to me attempting to get past yet another stage of loss. Loss of the "normal" experience of thanksgiving. I wish he could watch the parade and then tell me all about it. I wish he could eat thanksgiving dinner and pumpkin pie. I want him to be able to tell me what he wants for Christmas and see the excitement in his eyes when we tell him about Santa.
That is why these days are tough.
Today was a day of thanks and blessings. It was truly a wonderful day. I just had some moments of feeling like an inadequate parent, but this comes with the territory. I can't say enough, how proud I am to be Logan and Lauren's mom and to have such a kind and patient husband. We had a great day with our family and missed those who we could not be with.
Thank you Team Logan for all the amazing support this past year. We are so blessed to have such a strong team of people cheering on Logan. He is an amazing little boy!
Happy Thanksgiving! Gobble, gobble!
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